Life today

Life has been a mess for over a year now. And honestly, I’m left wondering — will things ever get back on track? And if they will… when?

Every day, I try to find something good, something positive — a reason to keep going. But the day always ends the same way: disappointment. I keep putting in the effort, trying different things, hoping something will finally click. But success — it feels like a stranger. Just out of reach. Every. Single. Day.

They say when one door closes, another opens. But whoever said that clearly never had to wait this long. It’s exhausting to keep staring at closed doors, hoping one will creak open. And this tunnel? The one with “light at the end”? Feels like I’ve been walking through it blindfolded, waiting for a flicker that never comes.

We all mess up — that’s human. But being stuck in the consequences with no way to fix it… that feels cruel. To not be given a real chance, or even a pause to breathe, hurts in a way words can’t always capture.

I wake up trying to stay motivated. I push through the day, force a smile, try to believe it’s going to be okay. But by the end of it, I crash. Hard. Picking up the broken pieces every night has become routine. And I’m scared… scared that this might never change.

Will I ever get to live carefree again? Will I ever be truly happy? Will my dreams — the ones I once believed in so fiercely — ever come true?

I don’t have answers today. Just questions. Just tired hope. Just this moment, written down so I don't have to carry it all in silence.